31 August

Thy name is woman

Early morning at the West house and Judd arrives to make an arrest. This time it’s Loretta.

Meanwhile, Munter runs into a pack of Tongans. He’s got 24 hours to get the money back. Unfortunately, they don’t have the money. Draska had the money, then someone stole it from her – Munter points out they should be talking to whoever took the money from Draska.

Apparently everything that’s wrong with our family – it’s my fault, all mine.Cheryl

At the station, Loretta learns Kurt’s been talking to the cops. Ever since he rooted her sister, he says, she’s had it in for him.

Wolf’s is certain that poor innocent Loretta’s arrest is Judd’s attempt to get at him. Cheryl’s on high alert.

Loretta confronts Kurt. He had no choice – the cops knew everything! Someone’s got it in for her. This leads Loretta to the Lucky Dollar store. Did Van ever tell Draska about her little DVD business? Guilty.

Jethro clues Wolf in: Loretta is no saint. She did it. But he’ll do what he can for her defence – he promises.

Wolf confronts Loretta; crime is the domain of men. Stay out of it.

Furious, Loretta goes for the money she stole off Draska…but Grandpa’s gotten to it first. He can’t believe she’s going to run away. He thought she had more guts than that. Loretta relents. She gives Wolf the money.

Wolf returns the money to the Tongans and suggests they talk to the chick who stole it – Draska.

At the police station the cops have no physical evidence linking Loretta with the DVDs found at the Video Hut. There’s no case against Loretta and Judd knows it.

At the West house, Mr and Mrs Doslic enter. With Draska in tow. Wolf has called everyone together for The Great Reconciliation. Anyone for a scone?

The Doslics air their grievances about Van’s treatment of their sweet virgin daughter, and the Wests reveal the extent of Draska’s troublemaking.

Wolf lets them all get it out of their systems until…

A sulky Draska tells them that she only did what she did because she was so angry that her baby was going to grow up without its father.

In the silence that follows, the news of Draska’s pregnancy starts to sink in – in all its hideous glory.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Licensed courtesy of Zodiac

  • Off The Rails

    (D Swann/B Adams)
    Native Tongue Music Publishing

    Performed by The Bads

    Courtesy of South Recordings

  • Special Surprise

    (L Buda)
    Control

    Performed by Luke Buda

    Courtesy of Arch Hill Recordings

  • Something Good

    (S Waters)
    Control

    Performed by Fang

    Courtesy of Arch Hill Recordings

12 August

Go, bid the soldiers shoot

Van and Draska, having brought shame upon the Doslic clan, are kicked out of the Doslic family home. They end up hiding in a rundown apartment, on the run from the law and shunned by all who are related to them. Despite this, Draska is still determined to carry on with the wedding. Enlisting Pascalle as her trusted (and sworn to secrecy) bridesmaid, she moves towards her prize.

Cheryl, meanwhile, has bottomed out. Her dreams for her family are in tatters and she is doubting the path of honesty she has frog-marched them down. Even worse, Wolf and Jethro’s plans to free Wolf (and nail Judd for his creative use of evidence) are proceeding at pace.

Of course they’re cool, cos they’re in the water.Munter

But it is Judd who may yet turn out to be the family saviour – or, at least, Van’s saviour. If Cheryl can get Wolf not to use the evidence against him, then Judd might be able to point the investigation into the Tongan job more towards Draska. After all, she’s the one spending the stolen cash on wedding plans.

So Cheryl delivers an ultimatum to Wolf: If he uses the evidence against Judd in his appeal, then Van will go to jail – and if Van goes to jail, then Cheryl won’t be waiting for Wolf when he gets out. She will leave him if he sacrifices his son. Wolf, naturally, is not thrilled at this deal. He puts the pressure on Jethro to make sure Van ‘does the right thing’.

Cheryl continues on her mission to save the family by enlisting an unlikely ally – Munter. She gives him the task of keeping Van away from Draska – because if Draska is going to get done for the Tongan job, then Van can’t be anywhere near her (or the money) when that happens. Munter catches on pretty quick – he’s the man for the job.

Judd, however, is having problems steering the investigation away from Van. In fact, Hickey has becomes obsessed with the idea of arresting Van – and he puts the pressure on Draska to finger Van.

So suddenly Van is getting pressure from his brother and his fiancée, pressure that amounts to a suggestion that he confess to the Tongan job – for the good of his father and for the good of his relationship…. Van is not good at dealing with pressure like this.

Of course, when Cheryl finds out that Jethro has been leaning on Van, she is not pleased. It’s safe to say mother-son relations have hit a new all time low. With the raid on Draska and Van’s hideout scheduled for the next morning, the only thing Cheryl has going for her is that at least Van’s fingerprints aren’t on the money – wherever Draska has hidden it.

Working against her plan is the fact Van is currently at the pub on his stag night while, across the bar, Draska is with Pascalle on her hen night. It’s one last big night out before Van confesses. But as Cheryl races toward the Rusty Nail on her rescue mission, Van and Munter depart the pub in favour of getting stoned somewhere quiet. By the time Cheryl arrives, all that is left is the mess that is Draska. At least Cheryl gets to punch Draska then drag her unconscious body back to the hideout to await the police raid.

A further complication is thrown into the mix here, in the shape of Loretta. Having been called by Pascalle and alerted to the possibilities by Grandpa, she trails Cheryl and Draska to the hideout. After Cheryl has gone, she sneaks in, picks up a knife…

The next morning, Van awakes after a night under the stars. He bids goodbye to the sleeping Munter and heads off to do his manly duty.

Across town, Draska awakes to the hangover from hell; a police raid and the realization that while she was asleep someone has turned over the apartment – a ripped open the mattress where the money was hidden. It is gone…

And at the West house, Loretta is one very happy – and much richer – little West.

So Van tries to confess but Judd won’t let him because without the money there is no case. Van thanks his lucky stars and departs.

And Wolf agrees to Cheryl’s ultimatum – so Judd is off the hook.

But if Cheryl thinks she’s won the day….

Van still wants to marry Draska. Despite everything, despite all her attempts to save him, she’s still going to lose him to that Yugo-trash; unless…

On the day of the wedding, from somewhere deep within, Loretta finds the heart to offer Draska the money from the Tongan job, if she leaves Van at the altar. At first Draska refuses, but when she’s faced with the united opposition of the West family – led by Wolf, for whom Jethro has managed to swing home detention – she cracks, takes the money and does a runner.

So the episode and series ends with a West party. Wolf’s home; Judd and Cheryl are parted; Van is a free man; Pascalle is in the sack with Kurt; Loretta is despairing of her family…

In other words, everything is just where it should be.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Licensed courtesy of Zodiac

12 August

To be honest as this world goes

Someone is paying Corky to go ahead with Wolf’s appeal – but Cheryl has no idea who the mysterious benefactor is. For her, the pending appeal raises the specter of Wolf getting out of prison – just as she has embarked on an affair with DS Judd.

The appeal money is, in fact, is coming from Van – who has managed to pries a few thousand of the takings from the Tongan job out of Draska’s vice-like grasp. She’s still not telling wither Van and Munter where the money is – as she happily spends it on the wedding, because that’s their alibi.

Rejected by your own stalker. How cruel is that?Loretta

In prison, to make himself look like a model prisoner (and thus help his appeal) Wolf is doing a writing course, which is being taken by Caroline Darling, Jethro’s girlfriend. Not that Wolf is actually doing any of the writing, because Loretta is doing it for him, but teacher is still very pleased with his work.

Caroline reveals she is now aware that Jethro is having an affair. She doesn’t know who with and she doesn’t really care because she’s only just dealing with the fact that he’s being unfaithful.

Wolf’s response is typically straight forward. He tells Jethro to stop being an idiot – Caroline is one of the good ones.

Meanwhile, things between Van and Draska deteriorate as Draska desperately hangs onto the idea of them getting married – and, also, keeping the money to herself. She’s asked Pascalle to be her bridesmaid – which is the one bright spot in Pascalle’s otherwise sad and sorry existence.

In fact Pascalle sinks so low she even asks Constable Hickey out on a date, figuring that since he stalked her he might still like her. Unfortunately, Hickey is too consumed with police work to be able to take up Pascalle on her very kind offer. Pascalle’s life has officially hit rock bottom.

Corky, meanwhile, instead of proceeding with the appeal as per Van’s instructions, has actually taken the money Van has given him and spent it on his ever-increasing P (methamphetamine) addiction. The two brothers deal with this by kicking the snot out of Corky, but after Van has taken their ex-lawyer off to hospital, Jethro soon discovers that no appeal has actually been prepared.

Of much more importance, however, is that in looking through the case notes, Jethro also learns that the key piece of evidence that initially convicted Wolf was actually planted by Judd.

This news, in turn, is a major spanner in the works for Cheryl’s relationship with Judd. She has come to view him as the one man she could trust – but has she fallen for a bent cop?

And so Jethro moves away from being the defender of his mother to being the defender of his father. His lawyerly instincts kick in and – overriding his knowledge that Cheryl doesn’t want the appeal to go ahead – he starts to seek justice for his father.

Meanwhile issues over the hidden money cause Van and Draska fall apart to the point where the wedding is most definitely off. She storms out, and then dobs him in for the robbery on the Tongan moneylenders.

Of course, by the next day, when Van rescues her from doing something really stupid when she’s drunk at the pub – and gets punched out for his troubles – Draska is all, like, in love with him again. After she throws herself on his mercy Van forgives her for her dobbing and the wedding is back on.

Cheryl confronts Judd about framing her husband. In his attempts to evade the question she knows that he did. But what she also gets – as he attempts to paint himself as the savior of the West family, is the information that Van did the Tongan job. This is news to Cheryl – and a complete betrayal of everything she’s tried to do for this family.

So Cheryl confronts her son: did he, in fact, do this job?

Van confesses that yes he did, and it made him feel like a man and it made him feel strong again.

So Cheryl kicks him – and Draska – out of her house.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Licensed courtesy of Zodiac

12 August

It cannot come to good

Van and Draska are officially a couple: Draska has taken the opportunity to move into the West house and Van gets a blow job every morning so he’s not complaining. But Van is not entirely a happy boy. For starters, some unknown thugs smash up his car for reasons he cannot understand. The only message the thugs give is ‘tell her she’s been warned’ – which means nothing to Van.

Meanwhile, Pascalle is living the high life with Grant – and getting caught in various compromising positions by the paparazzi (alerted to their whereabouts by Pascalle, through Sandy). As Grant drowns his sorrows and rails about the photographers who always seem to know where they are, Pascalle is being driven mad by having to serve Sandy’s needs – and Grant’s.

[Ironic] means how come the guy with the job has never got any money for any piss?Munter

To keep Pascalle sweet, Sandy promises that Pascalle will appear in a reality TV show called ‘Celebrities Ahoy!’ in which many celebrities are stranded on a deserted island. Pascalle, now thinking that her ship has come in and that she can finally get rid of Grant, dumps him – and not in a nice way.

Cheryl visits Wolf. He’s acting kinda weird around her. It transpires that the word is going round that Cheryl, having been seen at the scene of Luther Wallace’s arrest, was the one who informed upon him. Cheryl is astounded that anyone would think this – and is even more disappointed that Wolf seems to be treating the idea seriously.

On a later prison visit, Van finds out that his father is very frustrated at the fact that he’s stuck in prison while his family is under threat. Thus spurred on, Van meets up with Munter and tells his best mate that he knows exactly how to solve his father’s problems: there is a money lending place, run by a Tongan bloke, Mr Sevele, a few doors down from the Lucky Dollar Store. Every Friday Mr Sevele and his mother go to a coffee shop for a cup of coffee and a lamington. Van has watched, every Friday for a while now, how she takes a bag of money from the money store and puts it in the boot of her car, parked in the alley out the back, before they go. It just sits there, unguarded, while they’re having coffee.

Van knows that he could steal it if he really wanted to. And driven on by the need to provide heaps of money to Corky, the family lawyer, in order for Wolf’s appeal against his conviction to proceed, Van hatches the plan to steal the money. Munter is up for this – for a 50/50 split. The old team is back in business.

Meanwhile, on the Cheryl front, the family rallies around, believing her to be under threat. Cheryl, for her part, doesn’t believe for a second anyone would think it was her, because everyone knows informing is not her way. The counter-argument is that since Cheryl is no longer a part of that game, no one is sure whether she’s against it.

This is certainly a view shared by Wayne Judd – who is very keen to protect Cheryl whether she wants his protection or not.

So as the family (and hangers on) assemble at the house to defend her, Cheryl is slowly driven mad. Then a garden gnome is thrown through the glass door and Cheryl’s protection squad goes into over-drive.

So Cheryl sneaks out and goes to a motel.

However, she’s followed there by a mysterious car, the driver of which turns out to be none other than Wayne Judd. She invites him to stay for a drink; he tells her how he feels about her; one thing leads to another and….

They end up in bed together: the final consummation of an affair that’s been building since that knock on the door on the day that Wolf was put away.

The next morning, Van and Munter, that finely honed criminal crack team, launch into a rather complex plan involving walkie-talkies and split second timing, to steal the money while the Seveles are having their coffee and lamingtons.

Needless to say, it all goes wrong: the walkie-talkie communication fails and Munter can’t get the car started. Meanwhile Van, in the Lucky Dollar Store, gets into an argument with Draska, who thinks that all the time Van has spent with Munter is actually because he doesn’t want to be with her any more.

Into the middle of this runs Munter with not one, but many bags of money that he found in the boot of the car. All this has been caught on video surveillance in the store. As the boys start to panic, Draska leaps into action and takes control of the situation. She disappears with Munter and the money, leaving Van to destroy the video evidence.

It’s only when Judd and Hickey interrogate Van that he finds out that there was actually $80,000 in the boot of the Sevele’s car. He has just scored the biggest score in West family history. Alright!

Of course, when Judd got the call about the crime he was in bed with Cheryl – so she’s got her alibi sorted.

Meanwhile, over in Pascalle’s world, it turns out it was Grant who threw the gnome through the window – not taking his rejection well. Unfortunately Pascalle also discovers she’s been gazzumped by Sandy, who has taken Grant back into her arms to reap the benefit of all the publicity that will follow. Pascalle is to be left in the cold and has been dumped by her modeling agency – at Sandy’s insistence.

Pascalle does not take this well – as Sandy’s broken nose will testify.

An unforeseen complication to Van’s crime of the century is that when he gets home he finds that Draska has not only disappeared with the money, she’s actually disappeared the money. She reckons it’s best he doesn’t know where it is so he won’t be able to tell the cops. Draska also has a plan to explain how they got the money: it was given to them by her relatives in Melbourne.

Van is confused – why would Draska’s relatives give them heaps of money?

So that they can pay for Van and Draska’s wedding, of course.

And, in this way, Van gets engaged.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Licensed courtesy of Zodiac

12 August

The fat weed that roots itself

After a series of crap modeling jobs, reaching their nadir as eye candy at a comic book convention, Pascalle scores a highly paid one-night job as a mermaid, sitting atop a food table at a rich man’s charity night out. There she meets television celebrity, Grant Wilkes. He’s one of those all-round TV celebrities famous only for being famous, who makes documentaries about his own life and appears on various shows about being a celebrity without ever actually doing anything except be a TV celebrity.

Loretta, I’m not brainy like Jethro, and I’m not evil like you. All I’ve got to make it is this…these…this!Pascalle

Anyway, sparks fly (and Pascalle knows an opening when she sees one) and before too long, Pascalle is having an affair with Grant Wilkes. From her perspective it’s an affair less based on love and more based on her seeing what she can get out of it because, of course, what she wants is to be on TV. Grant has a wife, Sandy, who is another TV celebrity and together they have adopted a set of Russian triplets. Neither wife nor triplets are much of an impediment to either Pascalle or Grant vigorously pursing their affair.

Meanwhile, Hoochie Mama, Cheryl’s lingerie business, strikes a bit of a problem when Casey gives all the money Cheryl gave her to buy fabric, to her idiot boyfriend who ‘invests’ it on a drug deal. This problem is hugely compounded by the fact the lingerie order they’re trying to fill is for a group of West Auckland female cops. Led by DS Monica Judd (DS Wayne Judd, it would appear, has both a wife and a rather saucy sex life), these cops want their knickers and they want them now. Cheryl must retrieve the money as soon as possible.

Meanwhile Pascalle has her first brush with true fame when paparazzi photos of her and Grant getting busy on the deck of Grant’s Piha beach house get splurged all over a weekly woman’s magazine called Woman’s View.

Unfortunately, fame for Pascalle is not the fame she seeks because she is referred to as the ‘mystery blonde’ – and Pascalle is no one’s ‘mystery blonde’.

So, with Loretta providing the words, and Pascalle providing the pictures, the West girls go to the Woman’s View for a follow-up article ‘Mystery blond speaks out: Pascalle West tells her side of the story’ (as dictated by Loretta).

Unfortunately this turns out to throw a major spanner in the plan: (a) Pascalle becomes officially ‘hot’ because of this and begins to get bigger and better modeling jobs, which means (b) she also gets Grant – who has been thrown out of the house by Sandy -coming around and declaring his love for her. Apparently he never realized until he read the things that she said in the magazine that Pascalle felt that way.

A falling TV celebrity in the middle of a mid-life crisis is not what Pascalle needs in her life right now.

Meanwhile Cheryl is on the case of the missing money. Eventually she discovers it has been given to a man called Luther Wallace. This is a bit of a stroke of luck for Cheryl because she’s known Luther since he was a baby – she used to bounce him on her knee while she was drinking gin with Luther’s mum.

Unfortunately Luther Wallace appears to have evolved somewhat from cute little baby into a rather fearsome shadowy criminal underworld figure. This does not deter Cheryl in the slightest – she’s quite happy to march up to Luther’s house and ask for the money back.

This she does.

And walks straight into the middle of a drug bust, where she’s saved by DS Wayne Judd, who throws her into the bushes, thus keeping her out of the line of fire. Luther, he reveals, is now West Auckland’s biggest P (methamphetamine) cook.

Judd is, however, moved by her story of this lost money and how if she doesn’t get the money back, her business will go down the tank. Cheryl, meanwhile, discovers that Monica is Wayne’s ex-wife – and the naughty knickers are not destined to be enjoyed by him. Something of a bond is built between the two of them.

This bond is reinforced when, through means that aren’t entirely legal, Judd does the honorable thing and returns Cheryl’s money.

Meanwhile, as Pascalle anguishes over what to do with her unwanted suitor, she discovers that the whole Grant thing has been set up by Sandy, who used Pascalle as bait to publicly humiliate Grant so she could get a better divorce settlement out of him.

The episode ends with Sandy offering Pascalle a deal for fame and fortune. In return she has to take Grant back into her life with the object being to publicly humiliate him as much as possible.

After considering it for about a second, Pascalle accepts the deal.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Licensed courtesy of Zodiac