I have to be very careful what I say because you never know who reads these things. (Do cops read blogs?) (Do cops read?)

Anyway, there are certain legal issues, as yet not fully resolved, that have totally screwed with my life lately. Now, in no way am I admitting guilt in anything, but what is it with the huge double standard here? Once upon a time no-one gave much of a stuff about video piracy. Sure they had those lame “you wouldn’t steal a car� ads on at the pictures, but did anyone ever take them seriously? Certainly not in family.

Then one blimmin’ Kiwi film gets ripped off and suddenly if you happen to make a few copies of something and sell it to friends and friends of friends of friends, then you’re bloody public enemy #1. What about fighting real crime, police people? Who cares if some movie producer can’t afford a new Lexus this year?

The worst thing about my whole “Loretta gets arrested� experience was that I now owe my brother Jethro. For once in his life he was almost useful, getting all lawyerly on the cops when it mattered and keeping me out of jail. Still, the thing about some debts is they never get re-paid – just a fact of life, Jethro.

Actually, I suppose I should say that the worst thing about it was that Kurt, my flunky at the Video Hut (and, I suppose, my only friend) ended up getting blamed for something he didn’t actually really even do (not that I’m saying I did, you understand). I felt kinda bad about that for a while, but maybe the whole experience will teach Kurt some valuable lessons – like not to dob me in to the cops.

My little troubles were just part of a whole heap of shit that rained down on my family – like Van getting these heavy Tongan dudes set on him. Turned out that the whole mastermind (if you can call someone as stupid as her a ‘mastermind’) behind the shit-storm was Draska Doslic, who was kinda pissed off with my family for a whole bunch of reasons – some of which sort of had something to do with a large sum of money she felt I had embezzled from her (not that it was hers in the first place).

So that led to the other crap thing that happened to me – Grandpa guilting me into handing the money to Dad just to stop Van getting done over by these Tongans. Where do emotions like guilt come from? Can I have them surgically removed? They suck and leave you poor.

So, all in all, not a great week for me. Mind you, Van is now going to be a daddy ‘cause Draska got up at this mega-family conference thing Dad organised and announced that she’s pregnant so I guess his ended up being worse. The look on Van’s face was complete horror and very funny. Guess this means I’ll have to call Draska Aunty Bitch.

Must go and be a good girl, so ka kite for now,

Loretta of the West

PS: Don’t copy films – it’s a bad thing to do, apparently.