I was talking to Mum today – well, someone has to and it sure as shit isn’t going to be Grandpa, who is filthy beyond belief with her over the whole Judd/rooting thing. We all still are, actually, but Grandpa is the master at being dirty on someone for the longest time.

So, anyway, I was talking to Mum and she said this weird thing about how she’d know if Dad was dead. Like, if he was, some celestial choir would sing it to her – or she’d see this vision like out of Mataku – or something equally totally illogical. I mean, you don’t just know if someone is dead. That makes no sense.

Like, I know Dad sometimes takes off for a while – it’s part of his job. So the chances are he’s alive and in hiding. But I also know that there are probably some pissed off people somewhere who might want to kill him – and if they’ve found him he might be dead. But I have no way of knowing either way, is the point I’m making here.

At least I’m not going completely insane over the whole Dad thing like Pascalle – who spent days traipsing around the bush with Eric and Munter, looking for him. Talk about the blonde leading the blind.

On the upside, we get to keep Aurora because the mighty Horseman dickhead guy who used to be her boyfriend turned out to be a Pussy-man who blubbed and then only smacked Van once for stealing his woman. What is wrong with the men of today when even the lowest of lowlifes turns out to be all sensitive? Shit, I should start a gang of my own to take on these wimps.

But we get to keep Aurora and her amazing cooking and cleaning skills. She reckons after looking after 20 gang guys, the West family are a piece of piss. Hope she doesn’t change her mind when she sees what state Van leaves the loo in the morning after he’s been in a Who Can Eat Hottest Curry competition with Munter. If she still thinks we’re okay after that, then I think we’ve made a new friend for life.

When Dad comes home, he’ll think she’s choice too, I bet.

If he comes home, I mean.