I need to stop and think about life.

I need to figure some of this shit out before I go quietly insane.

And I would go quietly insane, I think. Not like Pascalle who would go insane in a very loud, very public, way. No, I’d just slip away, quietly, and maybe someone would discover me, a few weeks later, dribbling away in the corner of my padded cell.

Nah, not really. I’d make the loudest noise possible before they took me away. That’s the West way, right?

The point here is there’s a lot to be said for the theory that Pascalle is already insane and it’s just that medical science hasn’t caught up with her particular brand of self-obsessed insanity. Like today, when she comes home and announces that she wants to go to Pakistan or Afghanistan or wherever, with Bruce, to save sick refugees.

Or something along those lines. You see, Pascalle wasn’t clear on exactly what she was going there to do (as long as she was with Bruce) because Pascalle has the brain of a Moro bar.

Anyway, as it turns out, it turns out Dr. Bruce is a bit of a do-gooder with a ‘save the world’ syndrome. Go figure. Never would have seen that coming. Maybe it’s because he’s short, that he’s trying to compensate for something. But, apparently, as it turns out, he’s got something to do with Medecins Sans Frontieres, who are a bunch of doctors who run round the world helping people. Yay them. They must feel very good about themselves.

Except now they’ve got company, because Bruce has asked Pascalle to go with him – to meet his relatives or something – so she is being unleashed upon the Third World. If the Third World thought it was getting a raw deal before, it has no idea what is about to happen in the near future.

The thought of Pascalle, tending to the homeless and impoverished, at some refugee camp, is just too surreal for words. I cannot comprehend a world in which this is allowed to happen.

I also – if I’m being honest here- have to worry about the possibility that, in a tent somewhere, in the shadow of the Himalayas, that Pascalle will forget she is a born-again virgin and jump Bruce in the heat of the moment. This would be bad for my film as I need her in heat when she gets back.

To this end I have been reminding Pascalle, on a daily basis, what the punishments are for sex out of wedlock in countries under Sharia law. I have no idea what these actually are but neither does she and as long as I make them sound pretty fatal, I figure this will head her off at the pass.

Like I say, I think she’s insane.

On a related matter, I think Jethro has a girlfriend.

Or possibly a boyfriend.

No, definitely a girlfriend. He’s not man enough to be gay, so there’s definitely something going on, girly-wise, on the Jethro front.

How do I know this? Why do I care? These are both very good questions. I know because he is transparent – like Gladwrap – when I talk to him and he pretends to get all mysterious on it. I care because there are certain things I have in mind that I need him for. Plans that are, as they say, in development. And I can’t have him getting distracted because he’s found some skank stupid enough to fall for the sleaze he thinks passes for charm.

The world is not as it should be, here in Cheryl’s House of Happiness.

Maybe I’ll go insane next – just to fit in.