Civilization, as we know it, has ended.

I’m not bullshitting here. Forget global warming. Forget terrorism. Forget all that crap, because the greatest love affair of all time is, apparently, over.

Van. Munter. No more. Splitsville. Gone their different ways. Who would have thought this day would come?

Why this has happened, no-one is entirely sure because neither party is talking since their (separate) returns from the Coromandel. I am picking that Van behaving like a total asshole may have something to do with it.

Yes, I feel sorry for Van. Aurora dying was a piece of shit. But that doesn’t earn you an automatic ‘behave like a prick any time you want’ card. Call me a hard-faced bitch if you want, but there are fucking limits, after all.

So Munter is out and – God help us all – Draska is in. The woman has a fucking radar in her head, so she knows when to hit Van at his weakest moment. Why? What is so sad and screwed up about her life that she needs, for fuck’s sake, Van to make her complete? Maybe it’s a Dalmatian thing, the unstoppable urge to latch onto the half-wit of the family, like some blood-sucking freak out of a cheap vampire film.

Mum’s head is about to explode – which shows you how valued Draska is around the house.

Oh happy, happy day.