23 June

Surprise parties

Normally I hate surprise parties. I don’t hate them as much as I hate fancy dress parties, but surprise parties are usually right up there on my big list of Parties That Must Be Avoided At Any Cost.

But any surprise party that ends with Sheree Gregan in tears after the truly big surprise turns out to be that she has a dead husband is a good party, by my reckoning. And any surprise party that has, as an added two-for-one bonus deal, the news that her dearest brother Nicky was with the guy when he died, now that’s my kind of party.

Garth. Who in their right mind would marry someone named Garth? Mind you, since when has Sheree ever been in what you’d call a ‘right’ mind? Still, it’s good to know Sheree has a skeleton in her closet, especially seeing as it’s an actual skeleton.

Speaking of people not in their right mind, the alliance that seems to have sprung up between the She Bitch and my mother is something of a worry. Clearly pregnancy, coupled with the fact her business is slowly going down the toilet, has caused some kind of hormonal meltdown in Mum’s head. Talk about like daughter, like mother; making the big mistake of trusting a Gregan. I wash my hands of this particular brand of lunacy.

But Garth, on the other hand; now, the story of Garth interests me.

Garth. What sort of name is that to give a child? The poor bastard’s probably better off dead.

23 June

Series 5 Episode 5: Tuesday 30 June, 9:30pm – TV3

19 June

Melissa asks: Hi, Please tell me what else has Nadine Kronk (Sarah Owen) been on? She looks familiar but I cant think why!

Hi Melissa,

You may recognise Sarah from her guest roles on the TV series Diplomatic Immunity and Go Girls. She has also starred in a few short films, theatre projects and TV commercials. She was also on a KFC advertisement not that long ago…

19 June

Kirsty-Ann asks: Hi. I’m a huge fan from Oz and have just finished watching season 4. This may be a really dumb question but is the Best Bag Ever actually available to buy anywhere? I love the concept and this is one bag I have to have. If so please provide details such as email.

Hi there,

Not a silly question at all! Unfortunately at this stage, Pascalle’s Best Bag Ever isn’t available for purchase. We don’t currently have the resources to manufacture and sell the bags, so the idea has had to take a backseat to the production and promotion of Outrageous Fortune. It is however a terrific idea and something we may look into in future.

We’ll let you know via this website if there are any updates!

Thanks.

16 June

A Rat, A Rat

Van is under pressure from Gerard to come up with something on Nicky, and going to the gym doesn’t count. Van hints to Nicky that he’s looking for a ‘job’, and is then disappointed to find the job turns out building a wardrobe for Pascalle. He meant something more like ‘night work’.

He is pleased when Nicky comes up with the offer to be a driver but not for a robbery – it’s driving a hooker. Van finds that Angel is no ordinary working girl. She’s a shemale, who is not impressed with Van’s car or the loss of her former driver. Van is shocked that Angel should get so much business, then finds that Nicky is not just organising drivers, he’s actually the boss. Van thinks he has something on Nicky, but is dismayed to learn from Gerard that neither prostitution, nor homosexuality are illegal. What is this country coming to?

Well actually, Van, I’m more than your average girl. I’m the woman of your dreams. A woman with a penis. Angel

But now there is a further complication as Nicky wants Van to keep an eye on Angel, who he thinks has been stiffing him on his cut. Van is not just a narc, but a double narc, and he’s having trouble coping. Especially as this means lying to Munter, who is not that impressed with the gym thing, and even less impressed when Angel drags Van off for some afternoon delight. Van also finds that Angel is ripping Nicky off. She twigs that Van is a spy and is upset, but forgives him. Munter is less forgiving, and Van decides he’s had enough. He tells Gerard that he’s not cut out for narcing, and lying to his best mate and feeling like crap, and he resigns. He can’t do it anymore.

Meanwhile, Loretta is unimpressed with the slow progress on selling the party pill, including the lack of a name. Nadine also seems set on endless clinical trials with her rats to check side effects and maximum dosage. Loretta decides to conduct her own trial on some handy human rat, but unfortunately Van and Grandpa are preoccupied.

Then Aaron Spiller comes to see her with an ethical dilemma. The Gooch has been offered the job of building Pascalle’s wardrobe, but Aaron is desperate to do it. Loretta approves, on the condition that he tries out some herbal pills for her. Aaron is keen, and under stress because of Pascalle’s storage demands, he downs several.

This turns him into a human dynamo, but also gives him the clarity to know that Pascalle will never love him as he loves her. Loretta goes to observe her rat while he’s building, and finds that he’s happy to take even more pills. Pascalle is appalled that Loretta would test unknown drugs, even on Aaron, though she’s happy with the wardrobe. But now, as he completes the Taj Mahal of storage, Aaron collapses. Pascalle is appalled, but as she gives Aaron the kiss of life, he revives. Loretta is delighted to report to Hayden that she now knows the maximum dose and also has a name, Excellence. Aaron declares his love to Pascalle while no longer out of it, but it’s a love that can never be.

Van now tells Nicky he’s quitting his driving job, but also suggests a way that Angel won’t rip Nicky off and all will be happy. But as he’s doing this, Pascalle has shock news. Kasey and Munter have been arrested. Indeed the cops have raided and found a pound of primo weed, and Munter is now looking at jail time. But Munter is mostly piqued at how the cops knew, and who could have dobbed him in . . .

Van is upset to think that Gerard has taken revenge by arresting Munter. Gerard is unrepentant. His point is that Van doesn’t resign, or quit. And if he wants to help Munter and get him off these charges, then Van better come up with something on Nicky and do it fast.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Courtesy of Zodiac

  • O’Baby

    
(R Riggir/M Mathews)

    Control

    Performed by Charlie Ash

    Courtesy of Charlie Ash

  • Right On

    (B White/P Mangan/B Gibson/M Tweed)
    Control

    Performed by The Have

    
Courtesy of The Have

  • Uniform

    (B Parkes/H Greenfield/M Thomas/S Reay)

    Control

    Performed by The L.E.D.s


    Courtesy of Bang! Bang! Records Ltd

  • Nark

    (B Milligan/V Watson/J Peters/D Hunt/A Hogg)
 Control

    Performed by Pumpkinhead


    Courtesy of Wildside Records

  • Lucky

    

(B Weir)


    
Native Tongue Music Publishing


    Performed by Fly My Pretties



    Courtesy of Loop Recordings