I don’t know why everyone’s treating it like it’s such a big deal. I have a boyfriend. Wow, alert the media. Isn’t it pretty much standard heterosexual operating procedure for a young woman, my age, to have a boyfriend – or at least be hanging out for one?

But around my house the fact that I have an actual real, live person I call my ‘boyfriend’ is apparently cause for everyone to go mental. On one hand they treat me like I’m a freak when I don’t have a boyfriend, but when I do get one, they treat me like, well, like a completely different type of freak. Talk about not being able to win.

So yes, for the record, I have a boyfriend. His name is Graeme. It’s nothing to get all excited about, so just back off and stop treating me like I’ve got some kind of hidden agenda.

Because I haven’t; there is no other agenda on my horizon so any thoughts of other agendas can fuck right off.

I have a boyfriend, okay?