20 July

Do Your Mother’s Commandment

Cheryl gets an unexpected visit from Bailey, pushily suggesting that Cheryl should change her plea. Cheryl, who already has a low opinion of Bailey, tells her to get lost. But Bailey is aware that Cheryl is protective of Van, so sets about proving her worth. Van has the crazy notion of pleading guilty as solidarity, but Bailey argues that real solidarity, as condoned by Cheryl, would be to get Van off the charge, along with Munter and everyone else. Van is swayed and Bailey convinces the troops of her plan. And Van also gets the impression he’s Bailey’s real interest . . .

He wanted to look you in the eye you know. Polyurethane eyes. - Munter

Pascalle is stepping up to be the new Cheryl, which is annoying Loretta greatly. And when Eric has cash and has not been sleeping in the caravan, Loretta is suspicious. Discovering a cache of stolen heat pumps, she offers Eric a deal. Judd is perturbed that Cheryl has stopped fighting and is accepting her fate, but she argues she’s being practical. Pascalle is piqued that Eric and Loretta have formed an unholy alliance, but is accosted by Van and Bailey. Pascalle too busy to worry about pathetic charges, but Bailey convinces Pascalle that if she makes a statement, she can stay out of court. Pascalle visits Cheryl, determined her mother will not worry, but Cheryl is disturbed to find Bailey is now representing everyone. Jethro visits Van, to find Van labouring under the delusion that he can get off his charges. Jethro is angry that Bailey is making promises she can’t keep, and susses that she might be using Van to get to Cheryl. Bailey is not deterred by Jethro’s warnings, and since he’s turned up he can give her a statement.

Pascalle finds Loretta has allowed Eric to move into her office, and when Falani turns up, Pascalle knows something dodgy is going down. But she’s shocked to find Judd thinks this is situation normal – and maybe it’s time they all moved on. Pascalle realises that Judd is thinking of leaving, but when she takes this to Jethro, he just thinks it’s about time. Pascalle confronts Loretta about her illegal activities and Judd’s departure, but Loretta blames Cheryl. She’s abandoned them, so why shouldn’t they all turn to crime? At this, Pascalle can no longer maintain her rosy fiction of life at West house and reveals all to Cheryl – including the fact that Judd is leaving.

Munter is amused to realise Van has a crush on his lawyer, and Van even invites her on a date. Then Van finds that all of the tight seven are off their charges, except him. Betrayed, he confronts Bailey, only to find she did call him, but he forgot to top up his phone. Bailey tells Jethro how she finessed the prosecution, who are worried about Gerard’s stalker history being made public. Jethro is grudgingly impressed, but can’t convince a despairing Cheryl to change her mind. Van is outed going on a date, and Pascalle tries to make him accept Eric as a flatmate. Van’s date with Bailey ends with no rooting, but he’s sure it’s serious. This is proved when he wakes to find Bailey in bed with him. Unfortunately, it’s a dream and his bedmate is none other than his new flatmate, Eric. Pascalle gives up trying to be Cheryl, and takes refuge in rum and coke and getting pissed with Loretta.

Cheryl confronts Judd over his plans. Judd points out that by pleading guilty, Cheryl is effectively ending the relationship. He believes Cheryl was only defending Pascalle when she lashed out at Gerard, and is frustrated that Cheryl has stopped fighting and given up on all of them. Cheryl, swayed by this emotional appeal, makes a decision. And Bailey finds she has achieved her objective – Cheryl now wants to change her plea.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Courtesy of Zodiac

  • Some Day

    (B Saunders)
    Native Tongue Music Publishing
    Performed by The Warratahs
    Courtesy of The Warratahs

14 July

Series 6 Episode 2: Tuesday 20 July, 8:30pm – TV3

13 July

Good one Mum.

If, one day in the future, someone makes the big mistake of coming up to me and saying “hey, today’s your wedding day, happy anniversary” here’s what will spring into my mind, just before I smack them:

Pascalle screaming – but not in a good way.

Gunshots – from outside.

There’s an image of me, running out of the house, looking over the balcony. I see Pascalle, and for some unknown reason she’s lying in the garden – and I’m thinking WTF? And then I see there’s blood on her.

And I see Mum – she’s kinda fallen back on the stairs, and she’s sort of holding her ear – I guess because one of the gunshots had just whistled past it. And she’s looking – confused, is the best word. And she looks up at me, for just a second, before these cops appear from nowhere and just, sort of, engulf her.

And I have no idea what the fuck just happened, until I step right up to the handrail, and I look down and there’s Gerard, lying on his back, there’s a gun on the ground beside him and there’s blood just pissing out his neck. And suddenly there are people all over him too, trying to stop the blood.

I guess the reason some things become clichés is because they are such a common experience, shared by so many people, and when people are asked to describe the event they all end up saying the same thing – and thus the cliché is born. But maybe sometimes the cliché is actually the truth because that’s the way it does happen. The cliché in this case is that everything starts playing out in slo-motion. And that’s the sure way it was for me. It’s like your brain is struggling to cope with so many messages that it has to slow everything down, just to take them all in.

Then reality comes rushing back in and everything is just screaming and shouting and shit all over the show.

And the upshot of all this is one dead cop and, now, Mum pleading guilty to murder – unheard of, in this family. Okay, sure, this is our first actual murder charge, but the principle of ‘innocent until proven guilty and even then there’s always the appeal’ that has served this family so well through the generations should still apply here, right?

But not any more, apparently; and certainly not to my mother, Cheryl West, the patron saint of falling on her own sword.

Good one, Mum.

12 July

Series 6 Episode 1: Tuesday 13 July, 8:30pm – TV3

12 July

What a Rash and Bloody Deed Is This

The Wests raid their own house, which since the tragic events following Loretta’s wedding, is a crime scene. Cheryl has been arrested for the assault on Gerard, but Des Stewart QC is only too happy to represent her. Cheryl is worried about the cost, but wants bail so she can see her daughter . . . Pascalle is in hospital, attended by her admirer Aaron Spiller, but discharges herself to attend Cheryl’s hearing. She arrives too late, but is thrilled that her mother has got bail. She is less thrilled when Van angrily tells reporters his sister has been shot through the tit and this features on the news.

You’d prefer Brad Pitt, boobie, chesticle? -Loretta

Cheryl regroups as Van’s lawyer arrives to get background on the charges he is facing. Jethro recognises her as a less-than-stellar law school student, but Van and Munter are most impressed when she smokes dope with them. Van still wants vengeance on the cops for the family’s woes, but Cheryl calls a halt to this. She doesn’t want anyone in any more trouble, and especially not over her. Van’s problems are compounded when his flatmate Angel bails, fearing the cops will recognise her. Cheryl and Judd still have outstanding issues, but she is grateful for his support.

Loretta is keen to get out of West house and back to normal, but in the morning Des has bad news. Gerard has died of complications from blood loss, and the cops arrive to charge Cheryl with murder. Loretta is mostly worried about Des’s fees, and though accused of being heartless, she directs Van and Munter back to work. But on their way to the job, Van spies an unattended cop car and steals it. He vents his anger on the car and its contents and pisses in it for good measure. Van plans to flick the car, but as soon as Falani hears that Gerard is dead, he wants nothing to do with the Wests or stolen cop cars, and Aaron isn’t interested either.

Cheryl is in shock that she killed a man, but Des prevents her from any admissions. With Judd she reveals her turmoil; that her disturbed frame of mind and ill-considered actions led to this. He urges her not to over think this.

Loretta, upset, rails at the costs which she and Hayden will need to bear. At this, Hayden reveals he has financial difficulties, and the bank is foreclosing on his house. Loretta is appalled that he did not tell her this before they married, and demands an annulment from Jethro, who is entirely unsympathetic. Hayden tries to reason with Loretta, but she feels betrayed. Hayden guesses the only good thing is that they already have a custody agreement: Cheryl’s days can now be Loretta’s.

Van now tries to dump the car, disguised as a cop, but as he does so, a hoon flips him the finger. Van, incensed, chases the prick – then finds that the hoon’s car is stolen. Van is pleased, seeing resale value. Falani takes the boy racer car – but not the cop car. Cheryl appears in court for her bail hearing, where – to everyone’s shock – she pleads guilty to murder, and the judge accepts her plea. Everyone reels from this, especially Judd, who cannot understand why Cheryl has done this. Cheryl reveals that when she bottled Gerard, she did want to kill him. She feels she is guilty and should bear the consequences.

The siblings regroup to consider their mother’s insane decision, but when Van has a brilliant plan to break her out of jail by pretending to be a cop, they realise he has stolen a cop car. Loretta deals with the problem by torching it, and the West siblings face a whole new world without their mother, and her rules . . .

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Courtesy of Zodiac

  • Die

    (S Heard/D Rowlands/T Colenso/S Mountain)

    Control

    Performed by Clap Clap Riot

    Courtesy of Clap Clap Riot

  • 10ft Tall

    (P Dodge/R Carr/R Beehre)

    Native Tongue Music Publishing

    Performed by Minuit

    Courtesy of Tardus Music

  • White Noise

    (D Rainey/S Johnson/H Linney/J Aston)

    Control

    Performed by Elston Gun

    Courtesy of Et Cetera Recordings

  • Sit Down By The Fire

    (F Andrews)

    Native Tongue Music Publishing

    Performed by The Veils

    Courtesy of Rough Trade Records Ltd