31 August

Series 6 Episode 9: Tuesday 7 September, 8:30pm – TV3

31 August

Over and Out

I think I’m going to pack this blogging thing in, on the grounds that it seems to be a complete and utter waste of my time – time, I might add, that I really do not have right at this moment.

I started this blog under duress, too many years ago to count now. It was suggested this might be a therapeutic outlet for some ‘anger issues’ I apparently had. What the fuck is wrong with anger anyway? What kind of fucked up world would it be if we’re all meant to march around with happy smiles on our faces (probably because we’re all drugged up to the eyeballs) being nice to each other? Fuck that. Anger is healthy; anger means we’re still alive and breathing. Anger is human.

Okay, so that proves the reason I started this blog is still there. I haven’t been ‘cured’; it hasn’t made me a different, more socially acceptable person. I am still, very much, me. So there’s reason number one not to bother with this blog any more.

There was a brief period there, once upon a time, when I actually enjoyed writing this. I kinda grew to like sharing my views on my fucked up family with my fellow social retards in cyber-world. And, believe it or not, I actually enjoyed it when my fellow retards played the game and shared their view of the world back at me. Sure, I would often mock said views from the privacy of my own bedroom, but that was just adding more fun elements to the game.

But now I ping these occasional missives out into the ether and what do I get back? Nothing. I get no comments, no arguments, no death threats – not even a deeply disturbed cyber-stalker wanting me to send him/her my soiled panties. Nope, I get nothing but silence – which is no fun at all and, quite frankly, I don’t do anything unless there is something in it for me.

So unless there are signs of life from out there; unless someone gives me something to sink my teeth into, that’s it for me – I’m done, I’m gone, I’m going back to the real world to get my kicks.

Besides, I have plenty of other things to be going on with – like having a brothel to open, for example; somewhere I can fence in all my useless slapper employees so I can punish them more easily when they piss me off.

See? Much more fun to be had in that than here in blogland.

Over and out,
Loretta West

31 August

Help, help, ho!

Loretta is having trouble with ho’s – including a crisis involving a client and a salami. Hayden is happy to offer helpful advice to his beloved, but Loretta does not want to hear it. Chastity is about to lose her apartment, and Loretta finds that her and Hayden know each other intimately from the past. Loretta is further discomfited to find Hayden comforting Chastity. She has a housing problem, it’s not like anyone died! Actually Chastity’s mother has died and she needs to go home to New Plymouth. Loretta reminds her about her high-paying regular, Damien, and Chastity is almost swayed, but Hayden intervenes to insist that Chastity leave this problem with her manager. Loretta tries to find an alternative, but Pascalle isn’t about to agree, even for the ‘girlfriend experience’. When Hayden suggests Loretta admit defeat and tell the truth to the client, Loretta is goaded to decide to do the gig herself. Hayden can’t believe she’s serious.

Meanwhile, Aaron has a strange experience when he goes to pick up some tool guy equipment and finds Munter a haunted and not well man. Aaron takes his concerns to Van, and finds the horrible truth – Munter has been forced into being a house husband, because Kasey earns more than him.

It still freaks me out, man. Milking chicks? What are they going to milk next – goats? -Van

When Munter finds that Aaron knows his secret, he cracks, and indeed seems a broken man. Aaron intervenes with the ball breaker known as Kasey, but has little success in getting her to return to her rightful place at home. Aaron decides that higher forces need to be put into play and calls in The Gooch, childcare and psychology expert. The Gooch diagnoses a serious problem, and they offer support to their brother, encouraging him into essential me-time. Munter gets no further than the porch, as Kasey rings, guilty – to encourage Munter that it’s only five years until Hemi goes to school. Munter is further depressed and the Tool brothers see they have a serious situation on their hands. They confront Loretta demanding paid parental leave for Munter. She is entirely unsympathetic, so they decide to go on strike. Loretta is even more annoyed, but now, despite Hayden’s warnings and disbelief, she heads out to do the girlfriend experience. Loretta is not exactly a huge success as a sympathetic listener, but Damien decides he will have the sex if not the companionship. Loretta argues the toss and this starts to turn ugly – as Hayden rides to the rescue. But Loretta is chagrined at this, and even more pissed off when Hayden gives her a chart read about being a crap manager. He is just as frustrated about their relationship – he’s her husband and it’s his job to help. This cuts no ice with Loretta, who can’t appear to be weak, ever.

Munter is sent out for ‘me time’ by the Tools – only to be sprung at the Rusty by Kasey. Appalled to hear of his childcare arrangements, she rushes home to find happy domesticity with Aaron, The Gooch and their coffee group of yummy mummies. Kasey feels threatened, but Munter is alarmed as Loretta arrives to fire the striking tools. But now Loretta gets a call from Angel with a very real problem – a client who has died on the job. In desperate straits, Loretta is forced to seek help from Hayden. He deals with the crisis with aplomb – and Loretta in a rare moment of weakness, shows kindness to Munter, and the Tools feel vindicated.

Munter and Kasey resolve that they can now just about cope with their new roles.

Loretta allows Hayden his suggestion to help with her hooker problems – and in the true spirit of marital togetherness, they decide to open a brothel together.

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Courtesy of Zodiac

  • What Kind Of Man Is He?

    (A McKenzie)
    Control
    Performed by Grand Prix
    Courtesy of Arch Hill Recordings

  • Rumba

    (B Parkes/M Thomas/H Greenfield)
    Control
    Performed by The L.E.D.s
    Courtesy of The L.E.D.s

  • Black Mark

    (S Scott)
    Control
    Performed by Samuel F. Scott & The B.O.P
    Courtesy of Samuel Scott/Loop

24 August

Series 6 Episode 8: Tuesday 31 August, 8:30pm – TV3

24 August

Go Seek Him Out

Nicky is about to face sentencing and Pascalle is determined to support. Unfortunately, no one else in the West family or associates seems to share her concern. The only person who is prepared to court with her is Judd. Partly in case things go wrong . . .

As Nicky awaits his fate, the masses at the Rusty Nail are running a sweep on how long it will be. But the betting is not on Nicky’s sentence, it’s how long Pascalle will hold out before she roots someone else. Into this come Pascalle and Judd with the bad news that Nicky got nine years, and Pascalle had to be removed from court. Pascalle takes refuge in serious drinking, and is comatose – when the cops arrive to search the house. It seems that Nicky has escaped from a van on the way to prison along with several other convicts.

I don’t think the law works along the lines of ‘oh, he did Ted West a favour, so let’s shave some years off his stretch’. - Judd

Van also finds his place is part of the police search, where the cops do not find Nicky, but they do find two jet skis in the garage. Van is not pleased, and Falani and Eric blame Jethro. Van calls to confront his brother, who is in bed with Bailey. She is not pleased to hear of another theft from the warehouse. Jethro is not pleased to find that Eric had a yen for the jet skis, and still wants them disposed of. Van decides the jet skis were in his garage and are now his property. And when Cheryl calls, Van decides to dob in Jethro for good measure. Jethro manages to finesse Cheryl, but is angry with Van. Van pitches the jet skis to Aaron and the Gooch, and manages to make a sale. Unfortunately, this is witnessed by Eric and Falani – so by the time Van goes to complete the sale, the jet skis are gone. Eric and Falani blame Jethro for the theft.

Back with the shock escape – there are news reports from the scene and Pascalle is alarmed that armed police are on the case. Judd is relieved that Pascalle seems not to be involved, as Cheryl calls, alarmed. Judd warns Pascalle that she mustn’t take any calls from Nicky or be associated with him in any way, and takes her to the cop shop to make a statement. Pascalle finds that the escape was orchestrated and violent, but refuses to believe that Nicky had anything to do with it. Angel, meanwhile, is panicking that Nicky might be coming after her and the girls. The hookers plan to down tools and to go into hiding, which leaves Loretta with something of a gap in her workforce.

Pascalle is distraught as there is news that one of the escaped prisoners has been shot – and now Beltz arrives wanting Pascalle to accompany him to the station. This is because they have CCTV footage which shows Nicky at the airport – he has apparently left the country. Loretta, delighted, reports this to Angel so she can get back to work, but Pascalle is thrown that Nicky could leave without saying goodbye. As now Grandpa accosts Pascalle with a cellphone – Nicky is going to call. Pascalle is distracted as Jethro comes to offer brotherly advice, then Nicky calls to reveal that he hasn’t left the country. Pascalle finds that Ngaire is also in on the escape plot as she helps smuggle Pascalle to where Nicky is hidden.

But Pascalle is not overjoyed to see him, and gives him a serve about the escape, and the violence, and being kept in the dark. Nicky’s defence is that he couldn’t expose her to risk and he did all of it for love of her, because he couldn’t bear to be without her. At this, Pascalle finally forgets any moral qualms and is reunited with her fiancé . . .

  • Gutter Black

    (David McArtney)
    Southern Music Publ. Co. (A’Asia) Pty. Ltd

    Performed by Hello Sailor

    Courtesy of Zodiac

  • ‘Art Robot’

    (C Grater)
    Native Tongue Music Publishing
    Performed by Flip Grater
    Courtesy of Maiden Records

  • ‘Bedside Table’

    (C Grater)
    Native Tongue Music Publishing
    Performed by Flip Grater
    Courtesy of Maiden Records

  • ‘Instructions For Insomniacs’

    (A Alpers)
    Native Tongue Music Publishing
    Performed by Bachelorette
    Courtesy of Particle Tracks