On November 27 and 28, 2011 you can bring a can of pet food to Noel Leeming stores throughout Auckland and your purchase will be reduced to cost. Plus 4% of sales will go to Paw Justice Charitable Trust.

Robyn Malcolm (Cheryl), Siobhan Marshall (Pascalle), Dave Fane (Falani) and Barnie Duncan (Dane) are just some of the actors taking part in the Royale Productions play TOYS.

Written by Natalie Medlock and Dan Musgrove comes another serving of yuletide mischief.

Join the revolving cast of 40 actors from stage and screen as they ask the tough questions: will Ball survive being thrown at the ranchslider again? Is Viewmaster and his obsession with Kevin Bacon really to be trusted? Will Barbie have to go and live at the dump?

TOYS. It’s not for children.

TOYS plays at The Basement Theatre from Dec 2nd – 18th. No shows Mondays. Bookings: iticket.co.nz. Adults $35 / Seniors & Students $30 / Actors’ Equity $25 / Group bookings 6+ $30 each

STARRING! Andi Crown, Angela Bloomfield, Ari Boyland, Barnaby Frederic, Barnie Duncan, Ben Wall, Beth Allen, Brett O’Gorman, Bronwyn Bradley, Bruce Phillips, Byron Coll, Charlie McDermott, Chelsie Preston-Crayford, Dan Musgrove, Dave Fane, Gareth Reeves, Gareth Williams, Hannah Banks, Harry McNaughton, Ian Hughes, Jacque Drew, Jarod Rawiri, Jeff Szusterman, Jennifer Ward-Lealand, Jessica Wood, Jordan Blaikie, Madeleine Sami, Michele Hine, Millen Baird, Morgana O’Reilly, Natalie Medlock, Nic Sampson, Oliver Driver, Renee Lyons, Robyn Malcolm, Ryan Richards, Sam Snedden, Siobhan Marshall and Yvette Parsons.

Directed by Cameron Rhodes and Toby Leach

Design by Simon Coleman

grabaseat is offering return airfares, a night at SKYCITY Hotel and tickets to the VIP leopard-skin carpet launch of the Outrageous Fortune exhibition at Auckland Museum.

There will be two flights, one departing from Wellington and the other from Christchurch.

Book yourself onto the Outrageous Flight here.

Cheryl wants to enjoy peace and quiet but the fate of her excluded daughter is niggling – as Grandpa takes revenge for the lack of his caravan by parking his new mobile home in the driveway. It’s an excellent cause of conflict for our Cheryl – who is bent on inflicting her usual control and pulling her family into line.

You made it happen. It was all you. - Loretta

Van meanwhile has decided on extreme measures – going to Russia for true love. Munter reports this and Cheryl is alarmed but delighted to have a cause. She warns Van off his mission and meets her nemesis: Judd. He suggests Van should be allowed to steer his own course and reveals he hasn’t seen Pascalle. Cheryl, encouraged, tries to co-opt Pascalle back into the fold with the fish pie of peace and a job offer. Loretta is appalled afresh and urges Pascalle to follow her heart.

Van has taken his mother’s warnings to heart; to get an address for Elena before he goes to Russia – only to find she is back in NZ. But with big bodyguards in tow. Van co-opts Judd and Munter to the cause. They follow Elena to the bridal shop where she reveals that money is not the issue. She must marry Roy for family because he will give her brothers jobs in his floor sanding business. Van despairs until Judd points out that Van is a business owner. Van is eventually inspired.

Pascalle finds that Judd has advanced his plans to leave but insists that if he does so, he must take her too. Judd agrees that this is the only possible plan because he loves her. But when Pascalle tells Cheryl, she casts Pascalle out forever.

Van now makes a display of Tool Guy power and job opportunity which seems doomed when Roy pulls out a gun. But Elena confesses that she loves Van and insists Roy takes the cash. She has to follow her heart.

Pascalle is sad but stoic that she has been cast out. Grandpa and Jethro vindicate Cheryl in her stance against Pascalle, but Loretta insists they are wrong and her mother is pursuing the wrong course. And it seems that her words may have got through – as Cheryl meets Judd to thrash out the end of their relationship. It is over, but they are enemies no longer.

And now Van prepares to marry his true love. He is awed to find that the Tools have completed the restoration of the Hemi Chrysler Valiant in his honour – as Cheryl confirms that Elena is a suitable consort for her beloved son. All are gathered chez West, and Van is married with suitable love and backyard glory. As Pascalle realises it is Loretta who has assumed Cheryl’s crown, not her. And Grandpa pisses on Judd one last time, as Pascalle leaves the nest with Judd. And Loretta applauds her mother for the very big decision of so long ago, which got us all where we are today. And Cheryl realises that – because of or despite her decision – everyone has grown up, moved on, and the main thing is – whatever shit goes down, they are better for what she did. They are all grown up, they’ll do what they will do, but mostly – they will be okay. (What more can a parent ask?)

As Cheryl regards the Westie World she has created – we have created – she gives thanks for what is good, moral, and joyous.

So – be like a West: bold in your choices, speak the truth as you find it – and also have more sex. And bless every single one of you who has been on this adventure with us and the Wests. Arohanui to you all – it’s been so very choice.