There is blood on the stairs.

Not that anyone can get near it to clean it up because there are roped off areas and people in uniforms telling us we can’t go in there.

No, ‘roped off’ isn’t right. I mean it’s what they’ve done, to keep people, to keep us, out – they have cordoned off the house – but the ‘rope’ isn’t actually rope. It’s plastic tape. They’ve ‘taped off’ the area is, I s’pose, more accurate, but it doesn’t sound as final as ‘roped off’. ‘Roped off’ to me, has a much stronger ‘keep the fuck out’ vibe out about it, which is exactly how it feels.

Not that anyone is in a hurry to go in, to clean off the blood.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

Everything has gone bad – very, very bad. So if there’s anyone out there actually reading this, do not be surprised if I am off-line for a very long time, as there is shit raining down on my family from all directions, shit that must be dealt with here in the real world before I have time for any of this cyber-crap.

I got married today, by the way. Yay for me, I guess. Well, I s’pose this is one way to guarantee you won’t forget your wedding anniversary in a hurry.

Feel free to leave messages of congratulations for Hayden and me. Just I can’t guarantee I’ll get back to you any time soon, as I need to go and help the police with their inquiries now.

Yeah, right. As if I’m going to help those fuckers with anything after what he did today.

A long time ago my Mum sat the West clan down and gave us this big speech about how we were going to go straight.

I’m pretty sure she never figured it would all end like this.

The universe takes away and the universe provides. That’s a simple enough concept, right? Unfortunately, as with many things in this universe, the taking and the giving can often be imbalanced and, therefore, extremely unfair.

For example, just recently, the universe took away the baby who would have grown up to be my little half-brother. It would have been great having an offspring younger than me in this family, because then my Mum would have a whole new life-form to obsess over and terrorize for many years to come, which would, in turn, have meant that she’d be too busy to hassle me as much as she currently does. This would have been brilliant, but – of course – the universe conspired to take Tama away.

And what did the universe give us in return?

Eric.

Thanks a bunch, universe.

You know the phrase “hanging round like a bad smell”? That pretty much describes Eric to a tee in that he is more than just a little bit pongy; and he is currently infesting our house, moaning about spending three years in Palmerston North – to which I say ‘if you hated Palmerston North so much, why did you stay there for three years? Why not move to Masterton or Tokoroa after a year, if Palmerston North offended you so? Was someone keeping you prisoner there, Eric?”

But no, apparently it’s all our fault Eric is a miserable old git with nowhere to live, which means every time I turn around there he is, moaning.

When I was a kid I set fire to his beard a few times – just for a laugh.

I’m not above going there again, is all I’m saying now.

Heading down to Wanganui tomorrow. My first tangi. Yay, something I’ve been meaning to cross off my Must Do list. Not.

Maybe we can all drop in on Michael Laws while we’re down there – he seems like a welcoming kind of guy.

It’s very quiet here.

I’m the only one up, I’m pretty sure. Just sitting here, on the floor, with the only light coming from the laptop screen; watching Jane sleep.

It is too quiet here and there are people who should be here who aren’t here. There are people missing and people who are in the wrong place. Things are all mixed up.

It is too quiet.

I should go back to bed, but I might sit here a while longer.